Funny Facebook Status, Constipation, Cannibals & Facebook Jail.

June 24, 2011

Constipation causes people not to give a sh*t.
If you think what I just said was offensive, you don’t want to hear the things that I stopped myself from from saying.
You can send a message around the world in 1/7 of a second; yet it may take several years to move a simple idea through a 1/4 inch of human skull.
No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
I’ve had to cancel my impotence clinic appointment. Something’s come up.
If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else.
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat comedians because they taste funny?
I’m really a very persuasive person. I can convince myself of anything.
It’s amazing how having your own laptop automatically makes you stay up at least two hours later than normal while still achieving absolutely nothing.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it’s always “Who’s responsible for this?”
On the other hand… You have different fingers.
I remember that one time, before Facebook, when I went outside and did stuff.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know.